I just feel like all my emotions are extremely internalised at the moment and that is where they are going to stay, deep down with only my own thoughts to console them. i feel the same i always have. sitting in this fucking bath floating in water thinking and thinking and thinking. a great sense of incompletion in my life. i am beginning to realise that this is the human condition. this is it. this is how it will feel forever. forever alone entrapped between the thick walls of my skull, left alone pondering every microscopic second of my dull short changing existence.
You’ll get to an age where all you can think about is having your shaking body clasped beneath someone else’s and however many years of longing will leak out of your hands until you’re trying to hold yourself together with the hope that maybe someday you’re going to be wanted with a fire that burns out entire forests.
All I can tell you is that you should hold out for that hope, one day you’re going to be touched with so much intention you’ll forget any other time someone held your hand."